Another Man's Treasure
by Star of Airdrie
Summary: Sequel to One Man's Junk. When Brother Blood stole Cyborg's blueprints, the criminal mastermind copied, upgraded and assimilated all of the superhero's cybernetic implants. ALL OF THEM.
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer**_ _:_ Teen Titans_ do not belong to me. They are the property of DC Comics and Warner Brothers. _

_**Author's Note**__:_ _Sequel to _**One Man's Junk**_. Read that first. Otherwise you'll consider putting me in for a 302 – sorry – involuntary psychiatric confinement._

_**Warning**__: There's boy humor. Lots of it. References to cable TV shows, Barry Manilow and the song Copacabana. It's co-written with my husband. He's a genius. Everyone is out of character. Well, mostly. We usually laugh ourselves silly each time we work on it so we've been working on it since last year's vacation in August._

_And most importantly, _**One Man's Junk **_has earned a coveted spot on _**Kryalla Orchid**_'s Favorite Stories List._

_._

_._

**ANOTHER MAN'S TREASURE**

Sequel to ONE MAN'S JUNK

Referenced Episodes of the TEEN TITAN Cartoon: _Titan's East I & II_,

When Brother Blood has stolen and assimilated the blue prints to all of Cyborg's technology.

_**ALL OF IT.**_

TtTtTtTtTt

PROLOGUE

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BELLE REVE FEDERAL PENITENTIARY, TERREBONNE PARRISH, LOUISIANNA, USA

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"The prisoner will come forward."

The prisoner shuffled into the holding area, his movements hampered by the shackles around his ankles and wrists. Harsh light gleamed off his cybernetic implants, his orange jumpsuit providing the only splash of color in the room. The room was white, too white, completely devoid of any furniture save for a plain desk, a chair, and a line on the floor. The prisoner wasn't fooled by the Spartan nature of the room; he knew that behind the blank walls stood defenses capable of stopping an army dead in its tracks, or at least ruining its day.

That was what Belle Reve did – incarcerate metahumans, the worst of the worst. And it did so with a nasty efficiency.

He also noticed a drain on the floor. He conspicuously ignored it and tried not to think about why it was necessary.

"Stand on the line." The pudgy guard pointed with his pugil stick. "Prisoner 609845 reporting, sir."

The man occupying the chair behind the desk looked up from the folder he was leafing through with a hangdog expression. The Warden had a name, which nobody used. They just called him "the Old Man."

And old he was. Rumor had it the last time he smiled, he scared the dinosaurs.

The Old Man adjusted his reading glasses and peered at the folder. "Prisoner 609845. Sebastian Blood…"

The prisoner drew himself up. "You will address me as Brother Blood, cretin."

Without missing a beat, the Old Man continued: "…apparently wants to be returned immediately to solitary with his television stuck on repeats of ___Jersey Shore_?" He scowled at Blood and raised an eyebrow.

The guard whispered to Blood, "C'mon, Blood. Don't blow this. General population gets tater tots tonight."

"Tater tots?" Blood muttered. He blinked. "I apologize, Warden."

"Hmph," the Old Man grunted. He looked back at the file. "Sebastian Blood, aka Brother Blood," he read, his Texas drawl becoming more pronounced. "Alpha class psychic. Powers include mind control, altering perception, teleportation, telekinesis, levitation and casting energy bolts." He looked up. "My, aren't we the Swiss Army knife."

Blood ground his teeth and said nothing.

The Old Man continued reading. "Former headmaster of the H.I.V.E. academy, dedicated to training young metahumans to be naughty. Tangled with the Teen Titans once, twice, no, _three_ times, and had your ass handed to you each time."

Blood's hands slowly clenched and unclenched.

"Says here that, prior to your third go-around with the Titans, you became obsessed with the Titan called Cylon…"

"Cyborg," the guard corrected helpfully.

"…Cyborg," the Old Man continued. "It says you stole his blueprints and turned yourself into a copy of him?" He pulled his glasses down and looked at Blood incredulously.

"Superior version in every way," Blood said haughtily.

The Old Man looked the metal implants replacing Blood's eye, chin and extremities. "You did that to yourself?"

The guard snickered. "Pity he wasn't obsessed with Wonder Woman."

"Shut up, Chumley."

"Yessir."

The Old Man shook his head and went back to reading. "So, now you also have Cyborg's complement of powers, including super-strength, sonic blasts, direct neural interface with computers, etcetera, etcetera…" He closed the file. "I suppose you've got a can opener and toothpick in there as well." He shook his head and tossed the file on the desk.

"All right, Blood. You have formally requested that you be removed from Supermax and released into the general prison population. Is that correct?"

"Yes," Blood said.

"I am pleased to tell you that the Board has provisionally granted your request." He didn't look pleased. "Do you what that means?"

"Yes."

"Let's review it anyway." The Old Man leaned forward and steepled his fingertips together. "Superpowers are not permitted in the general prison population. By requesting to be released into the general population, you have voluntarily agreed to have all of your metahuman abilities suppressed to normal human levels. Is that correct?"

"Yes."

"You have agreed to a daily regimen of whatever processes we have determined will be necessary to suppress your superhuman abilities, which, in your case, will be a combination of medications, technological suppressants, nanotechnology and software subroutines. Is that correct?"

"Yes."

"In the general population, you will be a 'trustee.' This does _not_ mean that we trust you." He leaned back and gave Blood a careful look. "Once in the general population, you agree that at any time and for any reason you will submit to _any_ examination to assure that your powers continue to be suppressed. By 'examination' we mean anything, up to and including blood tests, urine samples, psychic scans, forensic magic all the way to what the boys refer to as the 'full gerbil.' Do you understand and agree to these conditions?'"

"Yes."

"Furthermore, you will be required to report any change in your metahuman status immediately. That means that any inkling you have that your powers may be reasserting itself, you will tell us or you will find yourself back in Supermax permanently. Do you undertand?"

"Meep."

The Old Man paused. "What was that?"

"What?"

"You said, 'Meep'."

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did."

"No I didn't."

The Old Man glared at him for a moment, then shoved a piece of paper across the desk. "If you understand and agree to all the conditions I have explained to you, sign here."

"Meep."

The Old Man stopped. "You did it again."

Blood looked confused. "That wasn't me."

"It came from you."

"Yes, but…" Suddenly, a salsa beat filled the room. The prisoner, the guard and the warden all froze in shock.

From somewhere came a slightly muffled, "Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl…"

Blood's human eye widened. He slowly looked down towards his nether region.

The Old Man and the guard leaned forward, their gaze focused on something bouncing to the beat under Brother Blood's coverall.

The guard whispered, "Is that… Manilow?"

Brother Blood tried to draw himself up with some semblance of dignity. "Warden, I would like to report a disturbance in my pants…"

TtTtTtTt

TITANS TOWER, JUMP CITY

"It's dead, BB. You killed it."

"I didn't mean too!"

Beast Boy and Cyborg stood around the smoking remains. "I told you, man, you can't shapeshift when the GameStation is using Kinect. That's the third one you've exploded…"

Beast Boy scratched his head. "I didn't know those things could scream…"

Suddenly the alarm went off. The Titan's twenty-foot main monitor snapped on, showing an immense human nose.

"Nnngh!" Beast Boy jumped back. Out of the speakers came, "Is this thing on.?" The camera pulled back to reveal the tired face of the Belle Reve Warden. The Old Man glanced around the room. "Sorry to disturb you. Would you be Cylon?"

"I'm Cyborg, sir."

"Cyborg, right. I'm the Warden here at Belle Reve. We've got one of yours here, a 'Brother Blood'?"

"Brother Blood? Yes." The other Titans poured into the main room. "What's going on?" "Sssh."

The Old Man thought for a second. "Well, we had an… incident, you might say."

"Incident?" Cyborg asked. "Did he escape?"

"Escape? No, he didn't escape. He's still here." The Old Man paused. "Well, most of him is, anyway…"

TtTtTtTtTt

TO BE CONTINUED…

TtTtTtTtTt

Thank you for reading.

Please review!

Credits:

Teen Titans, Episode 312, Titans East Part 1, Written by Marv Wolfman

Teen Titans, Episode 313, Titans East Part 2, Written by David Slack

Copacabana, Words and Music by Barry Manilow, Bruce Sussman, and J. Feldman, 1978


	2. Chapter 2

This chapter is dedicated to Kryalla Orchid and .Faith-o-saurus.: cybernetics enthusiasts both.

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_**Disclaimerage**_ _:_ _Still haven't managed the purchase of _Teen Titans, _DC Comics, Warner Brothers or the Cartoon Network._ _One can own Time Warner stock _(TMX)_ traded on the New York Stock Exchange_ (NYSE) _. _

_And last we checked, reality stars deserve everything they have coming to them... uh, I mean any likeness to any pawn brokers, whether living or dead, is intentional._

_We do own the plot, although we do argue as to whether or not the 'plot' is to be considered to be Intellectual Property (term used very, very loosely)._

_._

**ANOTHER MAN'S TREASURE**

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**CHAPTER 1**

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SECURITY OFFICE, BELLE REVE PENITENTIARY

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"You know, you think you've seen it all," mused the Old Man. "We get all kinds here; monsters, aliens, mutants, even a demigod or two." He squinted at the image frozen on the bank of security monitors and shook his head. "This is a new one for me."

The Titans were gathered in the main security office of Belle Reve with the Warden and several security personnel. In the corner, flanked by two large guards, Brother Blood sat sullenly, his hands shackled in front of him barely covering the enormous rip in his coverall between his legs. A third pudgy guard, sat at the conference table holding an ice pack to his head.

The Old Man opened a folder and started reading. "At 0820 hours, during an interview in which we were discussing the terms of releasing Mr. Blood here to the general population, there was an audio disturbance…"

"_'__Copacabana'…_" the guard holding the ice pack chimed in. Raven looked at the ground, phased through, reappearing behind her teammates.

"Thank you, Chumley. As I was saying, an audio disturbance emanated from the groinal region of the prisoner, following which the, ah, appendage in question… how do I put this delicately?" He paused for a moment. "'Burst forth,'" he drawled.

"It was more like 'erupted', like in that alien movie," said the guard at the table.

"What about 'exploded'?" asked one of the other guards.

"I like 'spewed' better." said his counterpart over Blood's head.

"Naw, 'spewed' means throwing up…"

"Don't volcanoes spew?"

"Nah, volcanoes erupt."

"That's what I said!" chimed in the guard at the table.

"If you ladies are ___quite _done," interjected the Warden loudly, pinching the bridge of his nose and squeezing his eyes shut as if in pain. "Idiots," he muttered under his breath, and glared at the guards. "As I was saying, 'burst forth'," he continued definitively, "bonked Officer Chumley here on his head, and escaped from the interrogation chamber."

"I feel so used," Chumley groaned.

"Mr. Blood insists he had no idea that his little Elvis could leave the building, as it were. He says this capability must have been part of the original blueprints of Mr. Cylon..."

"Cyborg..." the Titans chorused.

"..._Cyborg _that he absconded with and denies any responsibility. So, how about it, son?" He eyed Cyborg over his reading glasses and pointed at the screen. "Is that your…" he coughed briefly, "… design?" He continued under his breath. "Another thing I'd never thought I'd say…"

Cyborg shifted his weight uncomfortably and looked around. "I, uh…"

Starfire saw the chance to come to her teammate's rescue. "No, that is not Cyborg's design!"

The Warden looked surprised. Robin looked horrified. The guards looked interested. Cyborg looked for a place to hide.

"Excuse me?"

Raven groaned and tried to catch Starfire's eye. ___Don't say it, Star,_ she thought.

Starfire pointed at the monitor. "That is…"

___Don't say it…_

"That is much larger than Cyborg's!" Starfire concluded brightly.

_Aaaaaand she said it..._

In a move that could almost be choreographed, the other four Titans clapped their palms to their respective foreheads.

There was a pause. "Well," the Old Man said after a moment. "Thank you for that, miss."

"Superior in every way," said Blood loftily from his corner.

"Shut up, you!" snapped Cyborg.

"Well, Blood's always had an inflated opinion of himself," Raven muttered. "Wait a minute!' She stared closely at the still frame on the monitor. She pointed. "What is that? Is that a beard?" She turned to Blood. "You put a beard on this thing?"

"Neural interface," Blood grumbled, losing most of his bluster.

"Looks more like a goatee…" added one of the guards helpfully.

"Shut up, Hoss." The Warden picked up a folder and scowled at the Titans. "Well. While it sounds like you kids have quite the quilting bee going on in your clubhouse, don't you think it would have been helpful to have in Mr. Blood's file here a little notation along the lines of, 'Subject has self-propelled mechanical talleywacker which may occasionally wander off?'" He made a big show of looking in the file. "Nope, nothing here. Kinda think we would have noticed that if it was properly documented." He snapped the folder shut.

"Sorry, sir," said Robin tightly.

"Because if we know things like this, then we can program the defense systems appropriately. Instead, the interrogation room computers crashed." He pointed to a computer monitor where a bright blue screen of death flashed, 'WTF?'

"You want to try to get tech support for this? Little hint: it's not on the phone menu."

"Sorry, sir. It's just that we had no idea that Brother Blood's copying of Cyborg's systems would be so… comprehensive."

"I mean, ___dude__…"_ Beast Boy looked even greener than usual. Everyone turned to look at Brother Blood, who slumped in his chair and said nothing.

"Hmmph. So, where were we?" The Warden started up the playback again on the security footage. Something shot down the corridor from camera to camera, followed by a half-dozen security guards in hot pursuit. "So our little friend made its way to the main Commissary…"

"And then it escaped?" interrupted Beast Boy.

"No. And then it started the riot."

The monitor cut to a view of the prison cafeteria, where the Titans were witness to some of the toughest criminals in the world suddenly screaming like little old ladies and diving out of the way as the appendage in question rocketed across the room. All save one particularly corpulent prisoner who looked at the oncoming unit in abject horror before throwing his tray up in the air and covering his face with his hands.

"Hold on a second," Cyborg exclaimed, stopping the playback. "Is that Control Freak?"

"Control Freak?" The Warden flipped through his report. "Prisoner 897652, alias Control Freak. Poor fellow. Just released from the psychiatric ward yesterday. Readmitted today. Catatonic."

The Titans looked at each other and didn't say anything.

The Old Man continued. "And then it attacked the front security station, whereby it disabled the defenses and ___then_ escaped from the facility."

"What?" exclaimed Robin. "How did it disable the defenses?"

"Oh, the mind-controlled guards turned them off." As one, the Titans turned to the Warden and looked at him with wide eyes. The Warden raised his eyebrows. "Apparently the appendage now exhibits all of Brother Blood's psychic powers. Including mind control." He blinked. "Didn't I mention that?"

"No, you did not mention that," Robin said through his teeth.

"So, you're telling us that there's a super-powered mechanical penis capable of mind control running around out there?" asked Raven. "With a beard?"

"Pretty much," said the Warden. "It flies, too," he added helpfully.

"Oh, this just gets better and better…." Raven muttered darkly.

"Yeah, that's what I said when I notified the League, " said the Warden.

Robin paled and removed his hand from his face. "You called the JLA?" he choked.

"Yeah, that's what we do here after a prison break, son. Talked to the Martian." He thought for a moment. "I think it was the Martian; anyway, one of them green fellows. Explained the situation to him." He shrugged. "When he couldn't stop laughing, I put the call in to you folks."

The Old Man produced a computer printout and tossed it on the table. "Well, we'll leave you to it. These are eyewitness reports across three states, claiming everything from a UFO from a ___really_ friendly alien species to some sort of publicity stunt for the latest Simon Cowell TV show. Blood, you got anything to add?"

"I…"Brother Blood tried to draw himself some semblance of his usual haughty dignity, then gave up and slumped, defeated. "I got nuthin'."

"Literally," snickered Beast Boy. The others glared at him. "What'd I say?"

Starfire suddenly felt sorry for their arch-foe. "Don't worry, Brother Blood," she said soothingly. "I am sure your ___kenorfdenstocker_ will come back."

"Yeah, maybe we can put out a saucer of milk or something," said the largest guard. This was too much for the other guards, who finally erupted with suppressed laughter.

"All right, you idiots. Rick, Hoss, would you return Mr. Blood to his cell before any other body parts decide to go walkabout?"

Still snickering, the guards grabbed Blood under each arm and escorted him out the door. From the corridor came a bunch of cheers and catcalls: "Hey, it's Brother Pud!" followed by raucous laughter. The Warden sighed heavily and turned a tired gaze to the Titans.

"Good luck. I am officially turning this over to you. You can use this office while you're here. In the meantime, I'm going to have to fill out quite a bit of paperwork. Somehow I don't think there's a checkbox for this."

He shuffled towards the door. "And then I'm going to discover if there's enough Scotch on this planet to scrub this day from my brain cells. If you need anything, please ask someone else. Come along, Chumley. Good day."

He closed the door behind him. The Titans stood in the security office, alone. They looked at each other.

"Now what?" asked Beast Boy.

"Could this get any worse?" groaned Robin. Suddenly, something buzzed insistently on his utility belt. Robin gulped and unhooked the device.

"Isn't that…" said Beast Boy.

"…the Batphone?" finished Cyborg.

"It's official," shrugged Raven. "It's worse."

TtTtTtTtTt

TO BE CONTINUED…

TtTtTtTtTt

Thank you for reading.

Please review!

_Thank you Gamine for the read through!_


	3. Chapter 3

This chapter is dedicated to Pointer enthusiasts everywhere.

Disclaimer: We got nuthin'.

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******ANOTHER MAN'S TREASURE**

******.**

******CHAPTER 2**

******.**

_INTERLUDE:_

_Emmy Sue was so excited she could hardly stay in her bus seat. She and the other members of Mrs. Deslaurier's Lil' Divas Dance Class for Tots were on their way to their very first ballet recital. The teacher had just led the girls in a rousing chorus about a dog named Bingo when she clapped her hands. "OK, who wants to play 'I Spy'?"_

"_Me!" "Me!" "I do!"_

"_All right, everyone look around and see if you can see something interesting…"_

_Emmy Sue held her dolly up to the window and looked around. "What is it, Mrs. Snuggypants?"_

_Something gleaming was barreling up the highway towards them, kicking up a cloud of dust. It pulled even with the bus, flying at eye level._

_It looked like a missile. A missile with a beard._

"_Hello!" smiled Emmy Sue. "Who are you?"_

"_Meep."_

"_Mrs. Deslaurier! Mrs. Deslaurier!" Emmy Sue waved her arm excitedly. _

"_What is it. Dear?"_

"_I spy a great big…"_

TtTtTtTtTt

BELLE REVE PENITENTIARY

"Dick! Another eyewitness report." Raven looked at the computer screen then marked off the coordinates on the map spread out on the table. "Wherever it's going, it's going there fast."

An incessant buzzing sound came from another room. "Hang on. I'm turning off the Batphone," Robin called through the open door. Something smashed against a wall. A toilet flushed.

The buzzing stopped.

Robin shut the door, drying his hands with a towel. "That's better." He peered over Raven's shoulder to study the map and shook his head. "It doesn't make any sense."

"What doesn't?"

"It's not stopping anywhere. Look what it's passing up." He pointed. "A nudist colony here. Cheerleading camps. Sorority houses." Raven looked at him quizzically. "Look, whenever Cyborg's, uh, thing escaped to go on…"

"'Shore leave…'" Raven added helpfully.

"Right. Well, it would pretty much make a beeline towards female… thingies. And stuff."

"Indeed! You are correct, Robin! How insightful! Ow!" Starfire chimed in as Raven kicked her under the table.

"So where is it going? And why now?"

The door to the security office opened. Cyborg entered the room lugging what looked like pet carrier, except that most pet carriers weren't made of solid titanium and sported four enormous locks. Whatever was in there, wasn't getting out.

At least, that was the theory...

Cyborg placed the box on the table. The table creaked. Something skittered inside.

Robin eyed the carrier suspiciously. "I'm still not sure this is a good idea. You really think it can track this thing?"

"Look, all I know is that he went berserk right about the time Blood's knock-off went AWOL," Cyborg said. "I was able to hack into Blood's software at Steel City; maybe he can do the same. It's like they say: set a thief to catch a thief, so why not set a di..."

"Okay, I get it," Robin groaned. He sighed heavily. "All right. Set it loose."

One by one, Cyborg released the locks on the carrier. After the last lock was released, the door flew open with a _bang_. Something ___sproinged _from inside the carrier and landed on the table, dancing around happily.

"Meep, meep, meep!"

"Grayson!" Starfire clapped her hands together.

Robin winced. "Aw, gee, Starfire…"

"Too late, dude. Just go with it," Beast Boy snickered. "Trust me, there's worse body parts to have named after you." He glared at Raven, who smiled back evilly.

"Man, that thing creeps me out… for the love of God, Starfire, don't pet it!... Cyborg, do what you have to do," Robin groaned.

"Ok. Grayson, c'mere. Come here, boy!" Grayson waddled over, wagging its cable. Cyborg pointed to the security monitor where an image was frozen. "See that? Bad! Bad!"

He shook his finger at the screen. Grayson hunched down and growled at the image.

"That's it! Bad! Bad!"

"Oh, Jesus H. Christ," Robin said under his breath.

"He gets it! Now, where is it, boy. Point! Point!" Grayson straightened himself out on the table. "Look, Robin! He's pointing. Told ya!" Cyborg exclaimed.

Robin covered his face with his hand. "Cyborg…"

"Booyah!" Cyborg high-fived Beast Boy. "Good boy, Grayson…"

"Cyborg!" Robin barked.

Cyborg looked confused. "What?"

Robin pointed across the room. "He's pointing at the girls, Cyborg."

"Huh?"

Robin sighed. "Raven, Starfire. Would you move this way?" The girls obediently scooted to the left. As they did, Grayson wiggled to reorient itself. Starfire grinned sheepishy and waggled her fingers. "See?"

"Oh." Cyborg's shoulders slumped. "So, we're back to square one?"

"Maybe not," Raven spoke up. The other Titans looked at her. "Look, we know Cyborg likes girls, so his… little buddy points at girls, right?"

"Right," said Robin, not getting it.

"So… what turns on Brother Blood? What's ___he _attracted to?" She gestured to the map. "Apparently, it's not girls."

The Titans thought for a second. "I _so_ don't want to go there…" Cyborg said slowly.

"Power."

Everyone stopped and looked at Beast Boy. "What was that, BB?" asked Robin.

"Power. Blood's into power," Beast Boy said, a little taken aback by all the attention focused on him. "I mean, he's always trying to take over the world and stuff. So he loves… power?" He shrugged.

"That's it." Robin smacked a fist into his palm. "It all makes sense! Beast Boy, you're a genius!"

"I am?"

"He is?" asked Raven incredulously.

"Look, Blood's been here at Belle Reve for months. So why did his, uh…"

"_Kenorfdenstocker_," Starfire helped.

"Yeah. That... what she said." Robin paced, gesticulating. "Why'd it decide to take off now? What changed?" The other Titans looked at him blankly. Robin sighed exasperatedly. "Blood was asking to be put in the general population."

"Still not following you," Cyborg said.

"Come on, think! What happens when you get put in the general population?"

Raven's head shot up, her eyes wide. "They shut down your powers!"

Robin grinned. "Exactly! ___They shut down your powers__."_

A light bulb (literally) went off over Cyborg's head. "And if Blood wasn't going to have _any_ powers, then that little bastard wanted nothing more to do with him." He snapped his fingers. "So it took off."

"Wait a minute," Beast Boy held up his hands. "You're saying that Blood's winky decided he wasn't worthy anymore without powers, so it left?"

"Pretty much." Robin shrugged.

Beast Boy shuddered. "Dude, that's cold."

Cyborg leaned over and whispered to Grayson. "Don't get any ideas."

"Meep-meeeeep?"

"So, you think it's looking for a new… friend?" Beast Boy asked.

"Host," Raven said.

"_Ewwww_."

"Exactly," Robin said. "And it wants power. Lots of it."

"Hold on. There's lots of powerful guys in here in the prison. Why'd it take off?"

Robin studied the map and stroked his chin. "Clearly, they're not powerful enough. Hell, if it has Blood's ego, the only thing good enough would be the most powerful being on the planet…"

His voice trailed off. Slowly, Robin ran his finger through all the sightings Raven had marked on the map, drawing a straight line to stop at a certain point on the Eastern Seaboard. "Aw, crap," Robin breathed.

"What is it?" Raven asked. She leaned over and saw where his finger was resting. She paled. "Aw, crap."

The other Titans crowded around. "Aw, crap," chorused Cyborg and Beast Boy.

"Meep?"

Starfire just looked confused. "I do not understand. Why do you say 'the crap' as you point on the map? And what is so special about Metropolis?"

TtTtTtTtTt

Up next: MANILOW OF STEEL?

TtTtTtTtTt

Thank you for reading and please review!


	4. Chapter 4

Apologies for the delay. Remember, this is a collaborative effort between myself and Spouse of Airdrie: It's how marriage works sometimes. You both have to be in the mood.

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Usual warning for these fics: OOC, boy humor, words of naughtiness... plus now with Robin-torture!

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Disclaimer: There are no words which suffice.

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******ANOTHER MAN'S TREASURE**

******.**

******CHAPTER 3**

**.**

_INTERLUDE_

_Of all his public appearances, Superman enjoyed his visits to the Metropolis Orphanage the most. An orphan himself, he appreciated the opportunity to add a little excitement to the children's lives and to give them an afternoon they'd remember._

_Today would be no exception._

_As he finished up the last of the autographs, he heard an impatient tapping behind him. "Hold your horses," he chuckled. "I'm almost done. Now, what can I..." He turned and stared._

"_Meep._"

_Having grown up on a farm, Superman was no stranger to animal husbandry. Still, it took a moment to register exactly what he was looking at. "Well, I, uh... is that a beard?"_

_Suddenly, his face grew slack. His mouth opened. Then, slowly, his eyes glowed red._

_But not the cherry red of heat vision._

Blood _red_.

_In a trance, his mouth worked up and down. Then, sonorously, Superman intoned:_

_"Meeeeeeeeeep."_

TtTtTtTtTt

T-SHIP, EASTERN UNITED STATES

When an object passes the speed of sound, sound waves compress in front of the object forming the phenomenon known as the sonic boom.

The T-Ship rocketed up the eastern seaboard at Mach Three. If it were possible to decompress the sound emanating from it one might hear:

"Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap..."

"You know, Robin, if you're trying to relax, I can pretty much guarantee that's not a meditation mantra," Raven said, idly popping her gum.

Robin rocked back and forth in his seat. "How much longer, Cyborg?"

"Like I just told you, Metropolis ETA in seven minutes. Sheesh," Cyborg snapped irritatedly. "And why are you so upset? I'm the one that's been violated!"

"I do not understand, Robin," Starfire asked. "Why do you not simply call the League of Justice so that they may notify the Superman of Evil Grayson's intentions?"

"Seriously, dude," Beast Boy said. "Evil Grayson, meet heat vision. Problem solved."

"No!" Robin said, clenching his hands together. "We're going to handle this quietly. Quietly! Batman will... the _League_ will never know." He took a deep breath. "We can handle this."

"Jesus," Cyborg muttered. "Issues much?"

"Say, what are we going to call this thing, anyway?" Beast Boy piped up. "We can't keep calling it 'Evil Grayson.'" An indignant "Meep!" came from the box under Cyborg's seat.

"How about, 'peckerhead'?" Cyborg suggested acidly.

"Why 'peckerhead'?" Starfire asked.

Cyborg glared at Robin in the rear view mirror. "Oh, no reason..."

"I like 'Skippy'," said Raven.

"Huh? Why 'Skippy'?"

"No reason. Except that it will really honk off Brother Blood."

Cyborg chuckled. "Skippy. I like it."

Beast Boy laughed. "So it's settled! Grayson versus his evil twin, Skippy!"

Starfire clapped. Cyborg sniggered. Grayson meeped. Robin facepalmed. "Sometimes I really hate you guys... How much longer, Cyborg?"

"T minus... uh, oh." A shadow passed over the T-Ship. "Uh, Robin, I think it's for you..."

The Batplane pulled up even with the T-Ship. An unsmiling Batman glared out of the cockpit at Robin. He pointed towards the ground and mouthed:_Land_. _Now_.

"Oh, crap," Robin breathed.

The two aircraft landed in a field outside of Metropolis. The Titans exited their craft and milled around nervously. Slowly, Batman lowered himself from the Batplane and stood, motionless, staring at the young heroes.

For a long time, no one said anything.

Then Batman spoke.

"Will somebody tell me," he said slowly, quietly, "why Superman is standing on the roof of a shopping mall in Metropolis, sporting an enormous mechanical erection, and singing show tunes?"

TtTtTtTtTt

METROPOLIS MALL

Superman's array of powers was impressive. Super-strength, super-speed, flight, invulnerability, heat vision, x-ray vision, super-breath… the list went on and on.

Unfortunately, singing was not one of them.

To put it another way: faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and completely unable to carry a tune in a sack.

Or, as an ashen-faced Starfire observed, clamping her hands over her ears, "I do not think these are the songs the whole world sings."

Imagine the world's worst karaoke; William Hung bad. Now multiply it by a factor of ten. Then trumpet it through Kryptonian lungs.

As Superman happily serenaded the populace with notes not found in nature, the civilian exodus from the Metropolis Mall almost turned into a stampede (except for a few hardy/masochistic souls, who stuck their fingers in their ears and dutifully recorded the event on their cell phones for Youtube).

Not every creature in earshot could escape, however. Dogs howled. Birds crashed into each other in midflight. A duck exploded. And, one poor squirrel, stuck in the park adjacent to the mall, gripped an acorn in its tiny front paws and banged it repeatedly against its skull_. Make it stop.*_

_(*FOOTNOTE: In years to follow, scientists would attribute this event to creating a _"_dead zone_" _in Metropolis which all migrating birds assiduously avoided, except for one instance during an outdoor concert whereby Barry Manilow was attacked by a flock of irate pigeons.**)_

_(**ANOTHER FOOTNOTE, or perhaps Footnote to the Footnote...: During which occurrence Barry Manilow was rumored to exclaim, _"_Oh, no, not again_…" _Mr. Manilow has since refused to answer any further questions on the subject.)_

Batman crouched behind a car in the mall's parking lot, binoculars to his cowl, watching his erstwhile League comrade parade around the building roof committing musical homicide. The attribute that was apparently possessing the Man of Steel was evident, obvious, and (he had to admit) rather impressive.

Something _tick-ticked_ on the car hood next to him. "Meep."

Batman turned his head and found himself nose-to-meep.

Batman's face showed no expression. Less than a foot away, a cable gave a friendly wag. He stared.

"Oh, Cyborg," Batman called, after a long moment. "Missing something?"

"What? Oh, sorry, sir!" Cyborg rushed over and plucked the struggling unit off the car hood. "He escapes sometimes."

"Do tell," Batman murmured dryly, "Is that a bug or a feature?"

Cyborg laughed nervously, his smile fading as Batman gave him a stony look. The Dark Knight drew himself up and approached the apprehensive Titans.

"All right," he began, frowning as Superman bayed_, _"_Midnight, not a sound from the pavement, Has the moon lost her memory_…" Appropriately, cats yowled. Batman winced and raised his voice. "I reviewed the information from Belle Reve, and I understand _how_ this… item from Brother Blood possessed Superman. What I don't understand is _why_." He surveyed the Titans. "What's the story with these show tunes? Is it some sort of code, or…"

Raven gulped and raised her hand. "Excuse me, sir, but it's not exactly show tunes." She blinked. "It's Barry Manilow, sir."

Batman stopped and turned his attention to her. "What?"

She continued nervously. "In 1982 Barry Manilow covered 'Memory' from the Broadway show 'Cats.' It became the highest charting version of the song, reaching number 39 on Billboard." Batman stared at her. She spoke faster. "Some of the other songs seem to come from his 1991 album _Showstoppers_, a collection of popular Broadway tunes." _Goodness, I_'_m babbling_, she thought.

For a long time Batman looked at her, not saying anything. Raven involuntarily stiffened to attention under his scrutiny_. It_'_s like he_'_s looking right through me! And Robin grew up with this? No wonder he_'_s so twitchy!_

Finally, Batman asked, "How do you know this?"

She swallowed again. "I like Barry Manilow?" she said in a small voice.

Batman stared. Shrinking into herself, Raven added: "They call us 'Fanilows.'"

"I mean," Batman said slowly, deliberately, after a long moment, "_what_ does this have to do with Brother Blood?"

"I can explain, sir." Batman swiveled his gaze to Cyborg, who continued. "We don't think Blood was aware of the original programming when he stole the blueprints, and it created a conflict in the subroutines so it wound up doing this…" he jerked a thumb at Superman, "instead of what you might, uh, normally expect."

"'Original programming'?" Batman said slowly. Cyborg nodded. "The _original_ programming of your… _device_ was… Barry Manilow?"

"Uh…" Cyborg looked around. The other Titans were examining their feet. "Sort of?"

The World's Greatest Detective looked at Cyborg, then at Raven, then back to Cyborg, then back to Raven again. Raven fought the urge to phase herself into the center of the earth.

Batman closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose between a thumb and forefinger and sighed. "Let me get this straight. So instead of a command to 'take over the most powerful being on the planet and conquer the world' or 'possess Superman and destroy the Titans,' the _original programming_ scrambled this imperative instead to be interpreted as 'stand on the roof of a shopping mall and sing the Barry Manilow catalog?'"

"Pretty much, sir." Cyborg stared straight ahead.

Beast Boy raised his hand. "Uh, there might be some Barry White thrown in there as well, sir."

Batman stood motionless. The Titans could almost see him counting to ten inside his head.

The Dark Knight shook his head. With a snap of his cape he turned and stalked away from the group. "Robin. Walk with me." He didn't look to see if Robin followed.

Robin scampered after his mentor. "Batman, I…"

Batman held up a finger. Robin shut up.

After a moment, Batman said, in a low voice, still pitched to be heard over Superman's caterwauling, "Robin. I agreed to fund the Teen Titans to give you a chance to spread your wings, so to speak. To let you develop your nascent leadership skills to their full potential."

"I just wanted to get out of the cave," Robin muttered under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

Batman grimaced. "And to date…" He paused. Robin sucked in a breath.

"To date," Batman continued, "the results have been exemplary. Quite extraordinary. Even Mento was impressed."

"Mento? I didn't think he liked me," Robin stammered, taken aback by the direction the conversation was taking.

"_Mento_ is an arrogant tool. And, yes, he knows what I think of him. Still, it doesn't take away with what you've accomplished with the Titans. The Titans have developed an impressive reputation..."

Robin raised his hopes, only to have them dashed:

"…_until now._" Batman glared at him. "_What_ were you thinking?"

"'Thinking?'" Robin shouted, barely able to contain his anger. "Oh, come on! Who could have anticipated something like this! What sort of sick, depraved, disgusting, diseased, degenerate, decadent, and downright twisted mind could come up with a scenario like this!" He waved his arms in disbelief. "It's like it comes from some guy who keeps getting woken up in the middle of the night by his wife typing fanfic on her laptop and cackling with laughter while she exchanges email with her writer buddy in Australia!" Robin stopped, breathing hard, surprised by his own emotional outburst.

Batman had crossed his arms and drummed his fingers during Robin's diatribe. "You through?"

"Yes," Robin exhaled.

"Good." Batman leaned forward and hissed between clenched teeth. "_Fix this._"

"Uh… how?"

"Here's how it's going to go down." Batman ticked the points off his gloved fingers. "This planet cannot afford to have its primary defender be made a laughing stock. Can you imagine what Darkseid would do with this? Mongul?" He cocked his head. "_Lobo?_"

"Therefore…" He jabbed a finger at Superman, groaning as the Man of Steel butchered some more notes. "_That_ is not Superman. The League put the word out that Superman is busy elsewhere and _that_ is a Superman training robot that you Titans modified as some sort of teenage practical joke that got out of hand. Just a stupid adolescent prank. Understand?"

Robin grimaced as the implications sunk in. "I see."

"Yes," Batman said, not unkindly. "It means that all the work your team has done to be taken seriously is about to take a serious punch. Reputation is everything in this business, and once this is over you're about to be considered a silly bunch of kids again."

Robin thought about it, anger bubbling under the surface, then drew himself up and looked Batman squarely in the eye. "Orders, sir?"

For a moment, Batman felt a burst of pride. Not that he'd let Robin see it, though. "Take him down. Fast."

"Got it. Can we expect help from the League?"

"No. We'll be on stand-by, but if the League gets involved, that would pretty much announce the fact that he is, in fact, Superman."

"And since everyone knows those silly Titans could never take out the _real_ Superman…" Robin added bitterly.

"Right. Plausible deniability. And Robin," Batman frowned. "Be careful. Right now, that's not the same Superman who never forgot your birthday. Don't hold back; hit him with everything you've got. Chances are you can't hurt him, but he can hurt you."

A look passed between the two. For once, not as mentor to protégé, but as man to man.

Then Superman ruined the moment by bellowing a truly awful rendition of _Mandy_.

Robin and Batman winced in unison. "Uh, we better get moving then."

"Yes, faster is better. _Much_ better."

Batman watched as Robin gathered his team for what might be, if not their toughest, certainly their most memorable battle. After a moment, he muttered to himself, "Fanilows…?"

TtTtTtTtTt

To be continued...

TtTtTtTtTt

Thank you for reading and reviews are always appreciated.

Footnotes done incorrectly cuz it felt good to do it wrong after all these years of correct formatting...

Song credits:

_Midnight_, Lyrics by Andrew Lloyd Webber, from the Broadway Musical _Cats,_ released on the album _Cats_ in 1981.

_Mandy_, was originally titled 'Brandy' and was song jointly written and composed by Scott English and Richard Kerr in 1971. It was recorded as Mandy by Barry Manilow in the US and released in 1974; the name change to decrease confusion with the song _Brandy (You're a Fine Girl),_ by Looking Glass – a Jersey Rock song written by Elliot Lure.

_I Write the Songs _was written by Bruce Johnston in 1975 and recorded by Barry Manilow in 1976.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Author's Note 2/15/2013: I'm adding a note to all my fics to tell my readers that yes, all fics will be finished and I am writing. Since this past October I've been dealing with a rather serious and scary health issue. I had medical treatment starting in December and surgery in the beginning of January. E****ven though the outcome was better than expected, t**here is more treatment and surgery likely to come. _

**_My head and heart just isn't always in my writing, and I refuse to just post something for the sake of it, but there are pieces completed of each fic__, so just hang in there for me. Thanks._**

**_In addition, Spouse of Airdrie has been working like crazy for months... but we will get back to this!_**

Authors' Notes: We have been quite remiss about introducing the Justice League Members featured in this parody... so, for the underinformed, here's a thumbnail sketch on some of the Justice Leaguers making cameos...

BATMAN (Bruce Wayne) – Robin's mentor... really, are explanations necessary here?

SUPERMAN (Clark Kent) – kinda iconic...

WONDER WOMAN (Diana Prince) – okay... isn't this iconic as well? (as per usual, with questions, PM Star of Airdrie... I miss precepting...)

GREEN ARROW (Oliver 'Ollie' Queen) – Speedy's mentor and expert archer – and Renaissance Faire wannabe

MARTIAN MANHUNTER (J'onn Jonz) – a Green Martian with the usual shape shifting and telepathic abilities; and the love of Oreos is canon

GREEN LANTERN (I've envisioned John Stewart) Iconic, yes?

BOOSTER GOLD (Michael Jon Carter) – A hero from the future who came to the 21st century from the 25th to use the knowledge of history to attain wealth, popularity and acclaim. He does like being a hero too.

BLACK CANARY (Dinah Lance) – Metahuman with expert martial arts and her 'Canary Cry', a sonic scream that shatters stuff, hurts people...

MR MIRACLE (Scott Free) – Technically immortal, strong, smart, married to Big Barda... so he has it all, really... …

Spouse of Airdrie: why do you explain so much?

Star of Airdrie: because it's not in the cartoon!TeenTitans universe...

Spouse: really?

Airdrie: um, yeah...

Spouse: why?

Airdrie: not sure... I guess people could check Wikipedia (shutter) but after years of holding medical students' and interns hands, I feel the need... just ignore me... . .

.

**ANOTHER MAN'S TREASURE**

**.**

**CHAPTER 4**

**.**

METROPOLIS MALL

"All right!" Robin gathered his team around him. "We're going up against the Man of Steel-"

"Really Robin? Do we really have to go there?" Raven groaned.

"Fine." Robin gritted. "We're going against Superman... suggestions?"

"Perhaps we should find this woman 'Mandy' so he can explain why he should not have sent her away," Starfire suggested.

The Titans looked at her. "Any _other_ suggestions?" Robin asked after a moment.

"Hit him hard," said Cyborg, cracking a mechanical knuckle.

"Totally," agreed Beast Boy.

"We shall bring the booyah!" clapped Starfire, getting into the spirit of things.

"Sure, why not?" sighed Raven.

"OK. Let's do it!" Robin struck a pose and pointed. "Titans, go!"

TtTtTtTtTt

Batman watched as the battle commenced on the mall's rooftop. The staccato sound of exploding bird-a-rangs, the _vreep!_ of Cyborg's sonic blaster, Raven's shouts and Starfire's starbolts did little to drown out Superman's abysmal singing.

Behind him came the signature hum of the League's teleporter. Green Arrow stepped out, munching on an apple.

He nodded to Batman. "Bats."

"Ollie."

Green Arrow drew up next to Batman and watched the battle with him. _Munch, munch. _"Kids these days, huh?"

"Yeah."

"What are they trying? The full frontal assault? Yeah, that'll work…" Arrow snorted. _Munch, munch…_

Batman gave him an irritated look. "You got something to report, Ollie?"

"Oh, yeah. All taken care of. Media's been alerted about the whole robot-prank thing, and J'onn's shape-shifted into Superman and is being seen a thousand miles away doing something appropriately Superman-ish. No worries." _Munch._

More shouts and explosions drifted down. Beast Boy had turned into something large, green and thunderous. Superman ignored them and wailed, '_And I neeeeed youuuuuuuuu…' _Windshields shattered and several car alarms went off.

Green Arrow blinked. "Man, Clark sure seems to get mind-controlled a lot. Can't we enroll him in some sort of mental Pilates or something?"

"I'll look into it," Batman said dryly.

_Munch, munch._ "Who's the cute redhead again?"

"Starfire."

"Looks like she trying to jerk that thing off with both hands." A chorus of wolf-whistles rose from the crowd of onlookers along with cell phones and cameras trying to capture the moment. "Hmm. Unfortunate choice of words there."

"Don't you have somewhere else to be, Ollie?"

"Are you kidding?" The JLA transporter hummed again. The Martian Manhunter stepped out, carrying some folded-up items and a picnic basket.

"J'onn!" Green Arrow exclaimed. "Good! You brought them!"

"What are..?" Batman looked at what the Manhunter was holding. "Are those… _lawn chairs?"_

"Yeah." Green Arrow plucked one from the Martian's grasp and snapped it open. "This is probably going to take a while." He shrugged at Batman as he took a seat. "What? You didn't expect us to _stand_, did you?"

The Manhunter held out a bag to Batman. "Want an Oreo?"

TtTtTtTtTt

The Titans regrouped.

"Well, _that_ was productive…" muttered Raven, brushing some concrete dust off her robe.

Cyborg banged a dent out of his shoulder. He glared at Robin. "Tell me again why we can't use Kryptonite?"

"Can't. Besides the fact that it will clue everyone in that that's really Superman, Batman's worried it would it would only weaken Superman and not…" he hestitated.

"Skippy," Starfire said helpfully.

"Yeah, uh, 'Skippy.'" He sighed. "Then we'd never get that thing off him."

"So what now?" Beast Boy asked.

"New plan." Robin hefted a grenade. "Liquid nitrogen. Skippy's made of metal, right? I'm going to freeze it solid, then Cyborg, Star and Raven, full energy blasts. Beast Boy – hit him in the… Skippy. Something big and with horns."

"Ouch," Cyborg shook himself.

"Let's shatter that thing! Titans, go!"

TtTtTtTtTt

Robin's shout echoed over the parking lot. Green Arrow turned in his lawn chair to J'onn J'onnz. "Why don't we have a battle cry?"

The Manhunter shrugged, chewing on an Oreo. "I don't know. What would it be?"

Shouts and explosions drifted down from the mall's roof. Green Arrow mused for a moment. "Something like, '_Justice Is Served'_? Or '_Justice For All'_? '_Justice Together'_?"

_Boom. Crash._ "How about '_Justice Assembled'_?"

"Nah. It's been done." A loud _thwock!_ came from the roof like a baseball bat hitting a line drive. Green Arrow and the Manhunter watched as a bright green moose sailed over their heads in a perfect parabolic arc and landed on a minivan. After a moment, the moose staggered up and turned into a stunned Beast Boy. Beast Boy shook himself briefly, flashed the heroes a grin and a jaunty salute, then shifted into a pterodactyl that flapped its way back towards the battle.

The heroes watched him go without comment. More shouts floated down. After a bit: "You ever change into a moose?"

"No. Never felt the need."

"Hmmm." More explosions filled the rooftop. "Seems kind of a strange choice," Green Arrow mused.

"What is?"

"The moose."

"How so?"

_Boom. Crash. Shout._ "I mean, you're fighting Superman. What good is a moose?"

"Good point," said J'onn. There was a rumble as part of the mall collapsed. "Mind you, moose bites can be very nasty… Are you in pain, Batman? Why are you covering your face with your palm?"

TtTtTtTtTt

The Titans regrouped.

"A _moose_?"

"Hey, don't look at me! You said something big and with horns!"

"I meant a rhino!"

"Robin, please calm down," Starfire put her hand on the seething Boy Wonder's chest. "We are making progress. I am certain that I heard the Superman sing the lyrics incorrectly this time."

"How can you tell?" Cyborg asked incredulously.

"That's not what I'm worried about." The others looked at Raven. Behind them, Superman had segued into a tuneless version of the theme to _American Bandstand_. "Look, it's like he's going through the whole Barry Manilow catalog one by one."

Robin gave a "_so what"_ shrug. Raven sighed. "Barry Manilow covered _Unchained Melody_. If Superman tries to hit those notes, he's going to kill somebody."

"Great." Robin looked around. "Raven, Superman's susceptible to magic. See if you can wrap he head in dark energy or something – at least that may muffle the noise." Robin winced as Superman butchered another passage.

"Titans, go!"

TtTtTtTtTt

More heroes had gathered, intent on the ongoing battle. "Five bucks says the green kid turns into a dinosaur next," said Hawkman, waving a bill.

"Eh, he always turns into a dinosaur. I'm thinking large mammal," said Flash.

"I already got 'gorilla'," Green Lantern pointed out.

"How about a moose?" called Green Arrow.

"A _moose_? Nobody turns into a moose."

"Wanna bet?"

"Wait, wait, there he goes…" called Green Lantern. "Come on, come on…" They watched the battle commence again on the rooftop, then a bunch of disappointed groans went up from the circle of lawn chairs. "What is that? A giant squid?" "And it's the grabbing the… oh, that's just _wrong_!"

The pile of bills was impressive. "Anybody have 'squid'?"

"I had 'some type of seafood'," said the Martian Manhunter, collecting his winnings.

"You're not reading his mind, are you, J'onn?" The Manhunter looked around archly and said nothing.

"Comrades!" A voice boomed behind them.

"Speaking of seafood…" Green Lantern muttered under his breath.

Aquaman sauntered up to the group, puffing out his chest majestically. "I received the alert. What is the situation?" He looked around at the assembled heroes expectantly.

"Superman's being mind-controlled by a giant cybernetic penis and is being forced to sing Barry Manilow," said Green Arrow.

"Want an Oreo?" asked J'onn.

For several moments, the King of Atlantis didn't say anything. His jaw worked. He blinked several times. Finally, he announced, "Well. I shall be leaving now." He turned briskly and stalked back towards the harbor, muttering, "Sometimes it's just not worth it to come to the surface…"

The remaining heroes turned back to the battle. More shouts and explosions. "Okay, who's got 'elephant' this time?"

TtTtTtTtTt

The Titans regrouped.

Robin tried to catch his breath. "OK. New plan." The other Titans gave a collective groan. "Um… uh…"

Raven sighed. "How about you throw bird-a-rangs, Starfire shoots starbolts and grunts, Cyborg fires his sonic blaster, says 'Booyah', Beast Boy turns into a Tyrannosaurus, and I shout 'Azarath Metrion Zinthos'?"

The Titans looked at her. She shrugged. "We always do that. I think we're in kind of a rut…"

Robin exhaled. "Works for me. Titans, go."

They went.

TtTtTtTtTt

"So let me get this straight. Witchiepoo only knows one spell?"

"It's not a spell, Booster. From what I understand, it's more of a meditation mantra to focus her energy," said Black Canary. They were standing around a cooler, fixing their drinks.

Booster Gold thought for a bit as the battle raged in the distance. "So… with practice she could basically say _anything_ and get the same results. Like an advertising slogan?" He sipped his mojito and nodded his head. "Big money in that."

_Shouts. Zap. Boom._ "So you're saying the instead of shouting '_Azarath Metrion Zinthos'_, Raven could yell '_I can't believe it's not butter!' _or '_Call Roto-Rooter, that's the name…'_?"

"Yeah." He shrugged. "Why not?"

"You're an idiot, Booster."

TtTtTtTtTt

The Titans regrouped.

"Okay, this is getting stupid…" Robin panted.

"Oh, Robin, you are so right. This got stupid a long time ago," Starfire noted sweetly.

Robin sighed. "New plan!" He motioned everyone around.

"Oh, joy, a new plan," Cyborg said sarcastically. "Is this the one where he beats on us a little, or he beats on us a lot?"

"We've got to get that thing off him…"

"Really? Thank you, Captain Obvious," Raven muttered darkly. The Titans were all a little worse for wear and it wasn't improving their temperament any.

"We all distract him from the front, while Beast Boy…"

"Yeah?" asked Beast Boy warily.

"You sneak up behind him. Something small, like a gnat or a flea. While we're hitting him, try to squeeze into the seam between Skippy and Superman…"

"Ewww!" said Beast Boy.

"Then go whale or something large. Maybe that will pop it off."

The team looked dubious. Robin continued. "Everyone know their part?" The Titans shrugged half-heartedly. "Titans, go!"

TtTtTtTtTt

A new series of explosions echoed across the mall rooftop. "Jeez, Bats, more grenades? How many high explosives do you let that kid run around with?"

Batman didn't say anything. He had moved off to stand away as more heroes arrived. He was surreptitiously sipping from the bat-flask. Unknown to most, in addition to crime-fighting tools, Batman's utility belt also always contained the ingredients to make an excellent martini.

_Next time, Bruce,_ he thought sourly, _if someone's about to shoot your parents, just step in front of the bullet…_

More explosions rippled forth. Green Arrow leaned back in his lawn chair and sighed. "Ah, that takes me back. I remember when I gave Roy his first exploding arrow. He couldn't wait to try it out." He shook his head ruefully. "That poor sheep…"

Suddenly a large fireball mushroomed over the mall rooftop, followed by a 'sound of thunder'. More car alarms went off.

The heroes looked at each other. "_That_ doesn't sound like Barry Manilow."

TtTtTtTtTt

The Titans regrouped.

"_That's not funny!"_ Beast Boy yelled, patting at the smoldering remains of his uniform. His hair was smoking. "You said to sneak in from behind!"

Raven was cracking up. "Look on the bright side, BB. Not many people can say they discovered a new superpower of Superman's."

"I suppose I should have expected it," Robin contemplated. "When he _expels_ wind from his mouth, it's super breath, so it stands to reason that when he _breaks_ wind…

"Forget this!" Cyborg snarled. The other Titans jumped at his vehemence. "I have had _enough_ of this from that low-rent copy! Hey, you! Skippy!" He yelled across the roof. Oblivious, Superman continued to sing. "You want a piece of me! Time to fight fire with fire!"

He slammed the titanium crate on the roof. The Titans stepped back as he threw open the locks. The door flew open.

"_Grayson! Sic 'em!"_

"MEEP!"

TtTtTtTtTt

"Now _there's_ something you don't see everyday," Green Arrow mused thoughtfully as the battle on the roof changed tone. "It's like a light-saber duel from _Star Wars_, only it's incredibly stupid."

"Oh, I don't know," said a low, lovely contralto from behind him. "Before I came to Man's World my sisters on Themyscira were pretty much convinced this was how you folks said 'hello' to each other."

"Diana," nodded Batman.

"Bruce," Wonder Woman greeted him back.

"Is the camera really necessary, Diana?"

"Yes, Bruce." She raised the large digital camera and snapped off a few more photos. "Yes, it is."

Batman sighed and shook his head. Green Arrow whispered, "For the archives?"

"Oh Great Hera no," Diana murmured. "The Christmas party."

TtTtTtTtTt

The Titans regrouped.

"He dented Grayson!" Starfire cried.

Cyborg's unit staggered around drunkenly on the rooftop. "Mee… mee.. pppphhht." It collapsed.

"Awww…" Starfire picked it up and cradled it gently.

"Starfire! What the hell!" Robin looked on in horror as Starfire started to croon to it in baby talk.

"Uh, Star, I think there's been enough singing for one day…" With a nervous glance at Robin, Cyborg quickly plucked it from Starfire's arms and locked it back in its crate.

Raven cleared her throat, distracting Robin. "So what now, fearless leader?"

"I, uh, what?" Robin shook his head and recovered his composure. "All right. Time for Plan B." He pulled out his Titan's communicator.

"Uh, Robin, at this point wouldn't this be more like 'Plan Q'?" Beast Boy mumbled, his mouth full of food.

Robin started. "What are you eating?"

"Tofu dog." He pointed. "That little guy who hangs out with Mr. Miracle's got a grill set up."

Robin stared at him. "The League… is _tailgating_?"

Beast Boy shrugged. "Booster Gold's making mojitos."

Cyborg perked up. "Really?"

Robin muttered something unprintable and turned on the communicator. Speedy's visage appeared. "Roy! Got the package?"

"All ready for delivery, boss."

"Get here fast." Beast Boy burped and grinned. Robin ground his teeth. "_Really_ fast. Robin out." He snapped off the communicator.

The other Titans looked at him curiously. "What was that about?" asked Cyborg.

"Reinforcements." Robin grimaced. "And a _little_ surprise…"

TtTtTtTtTt

To be continued...

TtTtTtTtTt

Thank you for reading and please review.

If there is any cameos you would like to see as the story degenerates, just let us know!


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